thanks to kara i found my new favorite song yay!

SILVERSTEIN LYRICS"Discovering The Waterfront"I will promise myself I won't caredistracting myself from your stareand I've seen this mistake once beforewith your games I will never fall forI've hung up my gunsI won't kill againI won't forget you (I won't forget you)I'm not gonna let you win (I'm not gonna...)but I'm tired of lyingtired of fighting youand it's not gonna changeYou ask for my heartyou know that I'm downbut not the way you lie to me,you tear it all apart and beg for me to stayI've sailed off to sea (sailed off to sea),I'm not coming backI won't forget you (I won't forget you)I'm not gonna let you win (I'm not gonna...)but I'm tired of lyingtired of fighting youand it's not gonna changeCounting down Make that soundAnd you know it makes no senseCounting down Till you mess aroundAnd I know you can't ever changeWhen I'm trembling, Thrown overboardAnd I'm ready to relive the pastCounting down Make that soundBreak the silencePretend it's not forever,I'll pull myself togetherI'll say that I'll forget her,I'll breathe.And I'll say she never hurt me,And look at it as learning,And laugh about the good and the bad.Because I won't live foreverWe don't belong together,I know I'll feel better,One day when I can make it through.I won't forget you (I won't forget you)I'm not gonna let you win (I'm not gonna...)but I'm tired of lyingtired of fighting youand it's not gonna changeI won't forget you (Counting down...)I'm not gonna let you win (Counting down...)but I'm tired of lyingtired of fighting youand it's not gonna change

am i just that embarresing.?
sometimes when we are walking you look around, like your looking to make sure no ones watching cause your embarssed by me.

my tears fall for a reason but i just cant seem to find out why?. why do i seem so sad sometimes?. i just feel like there is something missing and i know what that is. but you dont, no one really knows... they dont realize why my heart is breaking into a thousand different pieces, or even realize i am broken.

just tell me im worth living for!

life seems to bring do many obsticles, and all i want to know is that im worth your time. you tell me i am, but yet i still have my doubts. you know my stresses and worrys, and i know you tryed to be someone better, but as time goes on it feels like you are sliping away. by that i mean that you arent trying to impress me, the magic is gone to you, and i am standing here worried to death that you might leave me behind. so just know that i am trying for you.
how does that make you feel that a lot of what i do is to impress you?.?.

truth

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

me

better much
i love art
i am growing, changing, experencing.
i love a few with all my hearts
but i love the whole world with all my mind.
experince has taught me everything.
painting helps me breath
photos take my breath away
the spill canvas brings tears to my eyes.
crying brings me to life.
baking cookies makes me think!
coloring relaxes me.
blogger is one of my sources of oxygen.
but you are my main source of survival.
the old memories of another makes my eyes water.
boys cause me pain
people bring hurt
friends

heres to you

each moment that i am around you my love grows deeper,
each breathe i breath around you increases my nerves.

i know i want to be with you for forever,
<>
but it scares me to think that you could find someone better.
someone that will make you more happy.
it is just when i am near you i feel more happy than i have ever been.
i love laying next to you
just don't hurt me,
dont break me
i can't deal with that pain,
im just not that stabble right now.
all i feel is endrofin filled love.
don't just be a figment of my imagination.
be real!
be there!

and know that i will always be near
whenever you need me
i'll be here

i told a lie,
it just came out,
i didnt mean to lie,
it just happened,
after i tired so heard to tell the truth all the time,
i just shows how easy it was to fall behind,

so its one more thing that i did wrong,
im sorry i not prefect
never was
and im never going to be.

i keep over anylzing what people say to me,
hoping that they wont realize im mostly wrong and im not strong,
i make dumb choices,
and i make a lot of mistakes.
so sorry....
sorry for pretending i was prefect and did everything right.

my leg.
its healed, but it wont go away.
im ok with that though.
its a memory. and i love that memoery!