my weekend...

my weekend has been pretty fun...
friday was my last day of school... which makes me happy... but my friend and i almost got bet up... and there was a ton of drama... but whatever... and on saturday i went to my cousins gradutation... and then to his after party... and i got a faboulous tan! welll its a nice start... and then that night my cousin drove me and my other cousin around... we were supposed to go to the movies but none of us wanted to... so instead we got starbucks, then drove to the mall but it was closed... then we drove to the bowling alley and i bowled a 91... it was quite fun.... then we went to albert-tacos... and drove to the park... which was closed and then we got pulledover... the police officer even turned on his light... and we told the police officer that we were just turning around... and he let us go... and we wentto safeway to eat our tacos... which were tasty! then wewent home... and on sunday we went to territory days which was fun...and in the evening we had a bbq with our whole family, and kara and savannah came over and we walked and got starbucks...

my song...

Daniel Powter
Bad Day
Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day
Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on
You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
(Oh.. Holiday..)
Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
(yeah...)
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

falling to pieces...

a few weeks ago he told me that i should move on.... and that he wasnt the right guy for me... and i did.... i got a boyfriend... but all i thought about is when he saw me holding hands with my ex- and how his facail expression killed me inside... i thought at that moment that he cared about me... but truthfully he thought i was just trying to make him jealous and found it funny... but here is the back ground of this "friendship..."
for a month we hung out... talking about dating and how much fun we had around each other... he made nervous to the point that i couldnt even act myself and i know that was a turn off and so he never wantedto ask me out... but in that month when he cuddled with me and kissed me... i felt wanted, he knew just what to do to make me smile... we played basketball, went to wal*mart, rented movies, went bowling, but i was never the one he really wanted he was always talking about how he has been hurt and is afraid of being hurt again... and truth be told... he hurt me... he caused he to doubt my personality and self-confience but yet he still brought a smile to my face....even on prom... instead of going partying he came over to my best friends house with her boyfriend and brought they brought us flowers... at that moment i felt so amazing... he is truly one of the most amazing and funny guys... and eventhough i'll most likely nevertalk to him again... he did impact me... and i'll always remeber the weird moments and the complete ones!!

lets leave and never come back...

lets leave this place,
go some where, where they dont know us,
lets travel to a place where we can be someone else.
where we can be the person we want to be...
lets escape this horrible relity,
we need to drive away...
lets take a rode trip to somewhere unknown...

at grandma's...

today i was sitting drinking a soda at my grandmas...
and i picked u pthis cool "lighter" and started playing with it... and well it wasnt a lighter...
it was a thing of mace* (i think i miss spelled that)... we had to all leave the house... and trust i felt terrible! but it is pretty funny now that i think about it...

yesturday...

all those feeling...
those yesturdays feeling...
will all be lost in time....

i truly hope i can forget about yesturday... cause the only way to discribe it is dramatic! i mean it started out "ok," while my shower was good...
first when i got to school... i called this girl a f-ing b... because she started going out withmy best friends boyfriend a day after they broke up... then my ex- (was my bf at the time) freaked out on me for flirting with this guy and was like im going to bet him up... and i said id break u pwithhim if he did... but it turns out it was a set-up and he really just didnt want to break up withhim himself... cause you see he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend, who is now most likely his gf.... and he said that he still had feeling for her... i was totally and uncontrolable pissedand pretty hurt, because you know he said all the right stuff... like the feelings i have for you are totally different than thge ones a have for my ex... well apparently they were... i was just trash... the rebound... but hey thats what i get for flirting to much... its pay back... but whatever i'll get over it... actually i'm almost all the way over it... yeah... right?

and right now the song "Bad Day" is playing and it decribes me yesturday and today... but only two more days of school... yay!!!

i am selfish...

i am me...
not prefect... in shape or mind...
i see myself in the mirror...
i hate what i see...
i am a tease...
i am hurt...
i hurt...
never love me...
all i will do is left you up...
then break you down...
i will lead you to believe i am only into you...
but then i will ripe out your heart...
i want to change but this is just what i do...
i get attatched...
then i numb up and drop you like you didnt matter...
its just what i do...
i have been hurt and i have cried over my actions....
but i cant stop...
i am selfish...
so please stop and think before you come to close....

anti-artistic poems...

Holding one when they are trying to pull away...
Under so much stress, that your heart is melting...
Rolling around crying...
Time to get over the pain...

Evil feeling of jealous
Never looking at all the positives you have...
Very dispointing emotion
You cause my to always be in 2nd place....

for sure...

talking to ex-boyfriends brings back so many emotions...
the unanwsered questions are falling out of my mouth...
why didnt you fight for me...?
why didnt you come after me...?
did you really love me...?
do you still want me...?

track...

track is over,
i feel a lose,
i faced no challenage...
and earned no place...
next year i will face my fear...
and stand side by side with the best....
i will strive to be better...
next year... maybe next year...