im one day late but i want to tell everyone merry christmas, and inform everyone my christmas rocked... but we are now very poor.. lol...
on christmas we woke up and i got a camcorder, art lessons, clothes (most didnt fit very well), and my dad bought me a new laptop... it rocks but i feel bad getting it... well i opened it on christmas eve... and was there when he bought it...
then we hung out played with our new toys and hung out... then we went to angela's hous (im house sitting) then my mom and i went over to the siemen house and exchanged gifts...
my dad stayed home and made noky... miss spelled...
when we were all finished booking we loaded up the car and drove over to aunt loretta's...
there we exchanged more presents and ate a lot of food...
brea and tinky stayed the night it was pretty fun...
but now the christmas sprit is gone and we must all return to are scrouge filled lifes...
all ill write later... im going to clean my room... scary i know! but i want to remind you that God is always near... and to keep a caring heart!
much love
chels

you would never know...

in this group of three i'm the one who feels left out.... im the one hanging on for dear life.... it's not that i care all the time... its just when i do my emotions take over... and i feel buried in jealously.... im try and dig my way back up to fresh air... but everytime i go to take a deep breathe your foot crushes me down to the ground.... im not sure how to react.... find new friends... or fix the situtation... whatever i do i want you to know your hurting me with the simple things you say.... i want these feeling to leave.... i want to be needed... so need me and want me around.... ALL I WANT IS TO BE HAPPY AGAIN!

its crazy to think most people think i'm happy as can be and have the prefect life.... all they see is my bubbly presonality and bright and shining smile...but from the outside looking in.... i want i totally different life style... i want to be happy and free...i want to chat online at internet cafes... meet rad people while drinking coffee.... i want to watch local rock bands and party... but not drink or smoke... i want to go on the mission field and not hear the laughs of friends and family behind... but the cheers of those who want me to do this! i want freedom... i want to become older... but stay younge looking..... and do the things i enjoy most... i want kick boxing, bellydancing, and yoga... i want to writepoems, paint journal ride my bike around and cook huge meals... i want to entertain.... host parties and life groups... i want all my friends to understand me and i want friends like me... i want friends who day dream all the time... but always come back to reality... i want to feel wanted... i want to be needed... i want people to come to me when theyre feeling upset... i want to give advice and i want people to follow it...... i want to fall in lust.... and be broken.... then i want to find my true love.... i want travel to africa and mexico on missiontrips... but i alsowant to travel trough europe eationg bread and drinking wine.... i want to love and lose... i want so much... i want to drive and date and go to college, be in the army, i want to work at keva juice.... but most of all i want you to stop judging me for all i want and start loving me for all i have to offer.....love always..... me.....